The other day, while we were out at my in-laws, I found a swallowtail caterpillar on some dill. O loved looking at the caterpillar and talked all the way home about how she wished we could have taken him home with us. 

Well, we got home and I found yet another swallowtail caterpillar on the dill we had brought home, so this time, I let her keep it in a jar so we can watch it grow and change into a butterfly. 

O loves this caterpillar, and I mean LOVES. We have to carry the room out of her room each morning into which ever room we are occupying at the time and if we move throughout the day, so does caterpillar. He is a constant in our daily discussions- and our daily prayers. 

This afternoon, while I having devotions with Olivia, I started to pray when Olivia reminded me to pray for the caterpillar. As I did, I thanked God for the caterpillar and all the lessons we can learn from it. 

Caterpillars have always reminded me of the scripture, "Therefore if any man live in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new," (2 Corinthians 5:17). Just recently, I said to Caleb, "Butterflies are so weird. I mean, they start out as these little caterpillars, go in to cocoons, and come out as butterflies. I mean where does the caterpillar *go*? It's not like it even just grew wings. It comes out looking *completely different*." And today, as I prayed and thought about the caterpillar and the things it teaches us, that was the thing that struck me the most. "If any man live in Christ, he is a new creature," (emphasis mine).   It's not just Fred with a brand new pair of wings, it's a completely different person. And in becoming that new person, there is a beauty and freedom that also comes from living in Christ. A butterfly is able to leave behind the things that anchored it to the creature it once was, and live a totally new life. 

When people look at me, I have to wonder. Do they look at me and see the new creature? Or do they see the caterpillar, continuing to stay where it is safe and comfortable doing those things I have always done? 

I have always loved gardens. My first memory of a garden of any kind was out at my Grandma's. I remember going out and picking strawberries and picking and helping shell peas. I still love the taste of fresh-picked, straight from the garden peas to this day. 

Growing up we attempted gardens once or twice but they never did really well, and I was probably not as invested in them as I should have been. As an adult though, I have learned to love to garden. 

There's something so peaceful to me about being outside among nature, doing the monotonous routine care of the garden and just letting my mind wander. I find that it's often during these times that God uses my garden to teach me things. 

Most recently, I was out at my in-laws picking blueberries. I was out there with O and as I often do,  letting my mind wander. O had been picking berries from a particular spot and asked if we could trade spots since a fly had been bothering her where she was. I told her it was no problem and we switched places. As I went back to picking berries, I noticed so many ripe berries close to where I had been standing, but because of the way the branches had been I hadn't seen them even though they were closer to me then than they currently were.

 In that moment I had a thought. I thought about how Paul says in Corinthians "I planted, Apollos watered, but God gave the increase." (1 Corinthians 3:6) and how people are like fruit. I thought about how often times, I might look at a person, or group of people and might not see any hope or any potential for ministry or sharing with them, but then God will shift my perspective and suddenly, I will see what He sees and opportunities appear. I thought about how, like with the blueberry clusters, some of the people I come upon will be ripe and ready to be picked. They'll be ready to hear what I have to say. Others will still be green and need more time and it might be me who comes back and continues to share with them when they're ready or it might be someone else entirely. And lastly, I thought of how much I love blueberries. About how unwilling I am to walk away from the bushes when even a single ripe berry might still be there. And I wondered: what would life be like if this was how I ministered? What if people were as precious to me as blueberries and I was unwilling to walk away if there was even just one person left that I might be able to reach? It was certainly an interesting and sobering thought. 

What are some everyday places God uses to teach you lessons?

I have struggled ever since the birth of sweet O with feeling like I, as a person, have been completely lost. I'd gone from being my own person to being "O's Mom" and while I love, love, love, being her mom, it was, and still is, a struggle to feel like I'd disappeared. 

The other day, I was watching The Lion King with O. I love The Lion King. Partly because my brother loved The Lion King when we were little, so I've seen it, like, a thousand times. And partly because I have always loved one particular scene. 

For those of you unfamiliar with the story, it's about a young lion cub named Simba, who will someday grow up and take his father's (Mufasa) place as king of the Pride Lands. Simba has an uncle named Scar, who wants nothing more than to be king himself. So, Scar along with his three henchmen (hench-hyenas?) set a plan into motion. Scar lures SImba down into a ravine. The hyenas start a wildebeest stampede that goes through the ravine. Scar runs to get Mufasa's help. Mufasa bravely battles his way through the pounding hooves of the wildebeest herd and finds Simba, who has scrambled up in to an old, dead tree, just as the branch breaks and saves him. He then places Simba up onto a ledge in the edge of the ravine and gets carried away by the wildebeest. He manages to escape them and climbs up, where Scar is watching. Towards the top, Mufasa starts to slip, and calls out to Scar for help. Scar flings him down to get trampled by the wildebeest. Simba, witnessing his father fall, is heartbroken. As soon as the ravine is cleared, he runs down to find a lifeless Mufasa. As he mourns, Scar comes up behind him and makes him think that it was his fault that Mufasa is dead and tells Simba that he needs to run away. Run away and never return. Simba does. Scar doesn't want to take any chances and send the hyenas after him. Simba ends up losing the hyenas when he goes through some pretty thick thorn bushes. They decide it's not worth getting poked over- especially when on the other side is a desert. There's no way he can survive there, right? Fortunately for Simba, he's found by meerkat Timon and warthog Pumba, who are outcasts themselves. They take Simba to their jungle oasis and teach him their motto of "Hakuna Matata" - No Worries. Fast forward and Simba is an adult now. Still living happily with Timon and Pumba, completely oblivious to the turmoil now plaguing his former homeland. That is until, Nala, his best friend from childhood shows up. She tells him that Scar and his hyenas have ruined the Pride Lands. There's no food, which is why she's out hunting so far from home. She is overjoyed that she's found him, because now he can come home and take his place as the true king. Simba, battling guilt from thinking he killed his father and with a healthy dose of "Hakuna Matata" tells Nala, he won't be going back and he definitely won't be taking his place as king. After arguing with Nala about why he won't go back, Simba is pacing, feeling sorry for himself, feeling lost. Enter Rafiki. Kooky baboon/shaman. Rafiki begins to follow Simba. 

S "Who are you?"
R "The question is, who are you?"
S, hangs his head "I thought I knew. Now, I'm not so sure."
R "Well, I know who you are. Shhh. Come here, it's a secret." Pulls Simba close and begins to sing gibberish. 
S, frustrated "Enough already! What is that supposed to mean anyway?"
R "It means: You are a baboon and I'm not." he laughs.
S "I think you're a little confused."
R "Wrong! I'm not the one who's confused. You don't even know who you are!"
S "Oh, and I suppose you do." he starts to walk away. 
R "Sure do. You're Mufasa's boy. Bye!" He runs off. Simba chases after him. He finally catches up to him meditating on a rock..
S "You knew my father?"
R "Correction, I know your father."
S "I hate to tell you this, but he died. A long time ago."
R "Nope! Wrong again. He's alive! And I'll show him to you. You follow old Rafiki. He knows the way!" They run through a bung of dense mangled tree limbs and vegetation before reaching a pond.
R "Shh. Look down there." Simba quietly approaches the pond, where he sees his reflection.
S, sighs "That's not my father. That's just my reflection."
R "No, look harder." He turns Simba's head back toward the water. He touches the water with the pointer finger of his other hand. This time, as the ripples clear, Simba sees Mufasa's reflection, rather than his own.
R "You see, he lives in you."  Simba hears Mufasa's voice say his name and looks up.
S "Father?" Simba sees clouds swirling, leaving a giant, lion-shaped hole in the middle. Eventually, Mufasa appears in the giant lion-shaped hole.
M "Simba. You have forgotten me."
S "No! How could I?"
M "You have forgotten who you are, and so forgotten me. Look inside yourself, Simba. You are more than what you have become. You must take your place in the circle of life."
S "How can I go back? I'm not who I used to be."
M "Remember who you are. You are my son and the one true king. Remember." Mufasa's cloud begins to recede, continually urging Simba to "remember" until it disappears altogether. 

Having received the motivation he needs to return to the Pride Lands, he sets off. In the morning Nala, Timon and Pumba notice Simba missing and Rafiki simply tells them "The king has returned." Nala is ecstatic and his friends can't let him face peril alone, so they catch up to him just outside the Pride Lands. Simba is surprised at what he sees. The once verdant, fertile Pride Lands are now nothing but dead plants and dust. Simba tells Nala to rally the lionesses, he's going to find Scar and asks Timon and Pumba to be a distraction for the hyenas. As Simba approaches, he hears Scar yell for his mother and demands a status report from their hunting party. Simba's mom, Sarabi, tells him everything is gone and they have no choice to move on. Scar tells her they're not going and since he's the king he can do what he wants. Sarabi tells him that he's not half the king Mufasa was. As Scar strikes her, lightning flashes and Simba appears. Everyone thinks he's Mufasa, until he reveals his true identity. Simba tells him that he's back to take his place. Scar points out that he has the hyenas on his side, but tries to use guilt to break Simba, by making him admit that he killed Mufasa. As Scar continues to egg Simba on, he inches him closer and closer to a cliff. Simba loses his footing and slips off, ending up in the same position that Mufasa had been in. As he dangles there, Scar admits to Simba that he is actually the one that killed Mufasa, this gives Simba all the oomph he needs to launch back up on to the rock and pin Scar. Scar admits to the whole pride what he just admitted to Simba, at which point, mayhem ensues as it's lions (and Timon, Pumba and Rafiki) vs. hyenas and Simba vs. Scar in the battle for the Pride Lands. Eventually, good prevails and the lions reclaim control over the Pride Lands as life-giving rain begins to fall. In the end, Simba and Nala are having their only little lion cub raised over a fully recovered Pride Rock. 

As I watched the scene above, I thought how nice it would be on days when I was feeling lost and confused, overwhelmed by the feeling of losing myself to have someone, like Rafiki, come up to me and go, "I know who you are! You're God's kid!" and remind me where my true identity comes from. 

The next morning I woke up with a notification on my phone from Pinterest, letting me know that they found some pins they thought I'd like. I opened the app, and the very first pin they thought I'd like was a beautiful water color floral wreath painted around the words "You are a child of God."  I was completely speechless. Speechless, and overwhelmed by the reminder of who I really am. I am a child of God. 

In my last blog post, I shared about some of the anxieties and worries I faced during pregnancy. 

A couple weeks after the event of that post, we had an unseasonably warm sunny day. It was so beautiful that Caleb and I decided we needed to be out and about enjoying the weather, instead of staying indoors. We decided to go disc golfing. 

We had only gotten through a couple holes before I started having some pretty intense, frequent contractions. By the time we had finished four holes, they were bad enough to where I told Caleb we needed to go home. I was sure once I got in the car and sat down and started drinking more water, they would subside some. 

I had dealt with some contractions earlier in my pregnancy and had been instructed how to handle them then. So we started our drive home. 

About 10 minutes into the drive, I noticed my contractions weren't easing up any. I decided to call my doctor to see what I should do. After a frustrating series of calls that led nowhere, we arrived home. I went inside and did all the things I knew to do. I took a bath, I put my feet up and I drank a TON of water.  I don't remember if I ever got a hold of my doctor's office or not. But by about 7, when I'd been having contractions for about 5 hours, I decided we needed to go ahead and go in to labor and delivery (l&d). 

When we arrived, they checked us in and wheeled me back to a triage room. The nurse that wheeled us in made polite chit chat and mentioned that we weren't the only people that had come in tonight, that the heat had caused problems for a lot of women that had just forgotten they needed to drink more in the heat and gotten dehydrated. I assured my nurse that I'd been drinking water religiously all day and that I didn't think that was my problem. 

I put on my super fashionable hospital gown, left my urine sample and got all hooked up to a million different monitors. The nurse came back in after awhile, really excited that she could tell from my urine sample that I was actually being truthful about the amount of water I had been consuming. Which meant dehydration was not the reason for my contractions. 

The nurse was great, very helpful and reassuring. We were there for about an hour and a half having various tests run before finally being discharged, saying that there wasn't anything wrong with me or the baby and that I would probably just need to take it easy for the rest of my pregnancy. 

The whole day was fairly stressful. Contractions are not a lot of fun. They're even less fun when you know you're way too far away from your due date to have a baby.  When you add to that the feeling of helplessness you get from feeling like you don't know for sure what to do and can't get a hold of someone you trust (in my case my doctor) to get you through it, it makes for a hard day. But I realized, even in the midst of my crazy, stressful day,  I never once was worried that I was going to lose the baby. Was I frustrated that I had tried *everything* I was told and *still* couldn't stop contractions? You bet. Was I concerned about how we would work things out if he did happen to make an entrance early? Sure. But not once, not a single time, did any thought of losing him enter my mind. And given my mental state two weeks prior, I know that there's no way I stayed that calm on my own. It was only because I had started trusting God every day, day by day, that I was able to have a peace about his safety during that stressful situation.