The next month I was tentatively hopeful as the date of my expected period came and went. However, a week and three negative pregnancy tests later I called my doctor to see if that was normal. They had me come in to get my blood drawn for some tests.
The results of the test came back showing that I hadn't ovulated that month. I was pretty discouraged. I felt like my body was betraying me. I felt like I was letting Caleb down. Without ovulation, you won't get your period, so my doctor prescribed a medicine to force my period to start. The hope was that that would be enough to remind my body what it was supposed to be doing and that the next month I would ovulate on my own.
The next month I had to go in again and get blood drawn. When my doctor's office called the nurse asked if I could come in that afternoon, I was fearing the worst. I figured if there was good news, or even the same news, they would have told me over the phone again. I called Caleb and asked him to go with me since I was so nervous. When my doctor came in to talk with us, he explained that I hadn't ovulated again and that he didn't really understand why. So he ordered more blood tests, just to make sure my thyroid and other glands were working the way they should be. Fortunately, that blood work all came back normal. So I had to take the medicine to force my period to start again and come back three weeks later to get my blood drawn.
The first couple months, I had been doing everything I could think of to track ovulation, to encourage ovulation. I read all the articles I could find about ovulation. It clearly hadn't worked. So, for this month, I decided that as hard as it was, I was going to give my burden to God and relax. So, I did. I gave him all my fear that I would never be able to ovulate and have another baby. I gave him all my stress about tracking everything. I gave him all my guilt about feeling like I was letting Caleb and our families down. There were times I would feel the stressful thoughts creeping up on me, but when they would come I would remind myself that "God's got this" and I would be able to relax again.
The day of my blood work came around and as good as I had done the rest of the month at trusting, I just couldn't quite relax. If I hadn't ovulated, they wanted to start me on a fertility med that would make me ovulate, and I really didn't want to have to take it. I needed to be able to get the blood work done in the morning, which meant I needed to take O with me. She was very good. While we were waiting for the nurse to draw my blood, she sat down on the bench next to me and we talked. I explained that a nurse was going to come and poke mommy with a needle and take a little bit of mommy's blood but that it would be okay. We talked for awhile longer when she stops, looks at me and says, "Mama, fine. Mama, fine." while patting my leg. Needless to say, her innocent reassurance that I would be fine was exactly what I needed to help me relax and once again, give my burden to God.
That night Caleb came back from putting O down for bed and told me that O had prayed "Mama. Doctor. Needle." This was the first time she had ever prayed for a specific need for an individual and I was humbled that it was me.
A couple of days later, I got a call from my doctor's office and was told that I had ovulated on my own. I was so happy. I was relieved that I didn't have to take the fertility med, I was relieved I didn't have to take the medicine to force my period to start, but most of all I was grateful for the unwavering faith of my two year old which helped me get through it. God hears even the smallest of prayers, even ones that aren't prayed in full sentences.