In January, I began my last class: Anatomy. I knew it was going to be hard. I just didn't know how hard.
Two or so weeks in to the semester I was getting ready for my first (and what my teacher said would be my hardest) test. The test was on a Monday and I was planning on spending the weekend studying. That plan was cut short when O got sick. Four days before my first test I had a baby that wanted nothing but snuggles from her Mama round the clock. Even when Caleb was home and would try to take her, she would be fussy until I took her again. Sunday or Monday, I don't remember which, I was feeling frustrated because I hadn't been able to put in hardly in of the studying that I had wanted to. I was sure I was going to do poorly on my test. As I was walking down my hallway thinking about how frustrated I was, a scripture popped into my head. It says "I give unto men weakness. that they may become humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them." (Ether 5:28).
When that scripture popped into my mind, I realized that God had allowed something to come up that would keep me from studying so that I would have to rely on him. Armed with that knowledge, I continued to study in the moments that became available to me and when I wasn't able to study, I prayed. I prayed that God would help me do well and that most of all, he would help me to trust Him.
Monday rolled around, and as I walked to my class, I became more and more nervous. As I sat down to take my test, i realized I hadn't prayed yet. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes and said a little prayer. I turned my grade over to God and told him I would praise Him, no matter the outcome of the test. A peace settled over me, my nervousness went away, and I was able to focus on taking my test. About a week later, our tests were handed back and I was ecstatic to see that God had blessed me with a good grade and humbled by the knowledge that He had been true to his word and taken me at my weakest and made something good come of it.
Little did I know, He was just getting started. Some time in late March I was playing volleyball in a recreational league. While warming up, I jumped/landed/twisted funny and ended up tweaking my back. I was in a little pain, but we were shorthanded that night and so I played anyway. By the end of the match I was in so much pain I could barely move. I could not remember the last time I had been in so much pain. For almost an entire month, I would end up being almost completely couch-bound, as it was the easiest, most comfortable place for me to be. For that month, I was unable to attend my class. I kept up to speed by emailing my professor and watching SO. MANY. youtube lectures, dissections, slideshows, etc. Thankfully, my professor was super understanding and let me come in as I felt I could, which for the first three weeks was for the tests only. I was worried that my absence would hurt my grade, even though my professor was understanding. However, having learned that sometimes God needs us weak to trust Him, I prayed that He would continue to make good things come from my weakness and that I would be able to finish the semester in His strength.
I went in to this semester expecting it to be challenging intellectually. I never expected how challenging spiritually it would be. For the first time that I can remember in an academic setting, I relied more on God taking care of me than on my own knowledge and ability to learn. And while I did end up doing very well in the class, and I don't want to down play the huge blessing that was to me, the bigger blessing was having to lean on Him to get there.
I learned so much in my anatomy class that, honestly, I've already forgotten. But I will never forget learning to trust God in my biggest moments of weakness and seeing the blessings that come from that.